Yesterday was a very topsy turvy day for me. I had a run in with my boss for my second job...I tried to quit. He argued with me and by the time we got off the phone my request was set aside as if I had not even made it. I was frustrated and angry. After 12 years the company is trying to institute changes that I know won't work here. They won't listen to me and dismiss me as if I have no knowledge of what I am saying. I already know I don't handle change well but, my opinion should be acknowledged and validated. Instead I am made to feel that I am a bad person and my self esteem is going down, down, down.
I had a guy riding with me to take over for Jaci and he mentioned he was interested in my route when it came available. I hopped on that as quick as a flash and told him that I was seriously wanting to give it up. The guy is a Baptist minister and is studying Biblical counseling. I asked him toward the end of our ride together if listening and helping so many people through negative areas in their lives was not a downer for him....he told me no that mostly the negative in our lives is brought about by sin in our lives. So, last night while I could not sleep I thought about what sin in my life I might have. I realized that one of my biggest sins, is the love of money. For so long, I have allowed myself to stress over the job, stay on it all because of money...so when I took that big step yesterday to give up the job and actually eventually have a life of my own....I told God that my finances are in His hands. Now, onto another sin, micromanagement...bad I am so bad about this. Why did I not sleep well last night...you guessed it, because I worried about the money. How quickly we try to take back issues that only God can work through with us. I have about a month more on the second job before I am confident we will find someone else to take over Jaci's side. In the meantime this guy is willing to run for Jaci and train the next new person and then learn my side and take it. I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to a bright light soon.
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One time (at Walmart) I told my boss that enough was enough for the same reasons you had with your boss. He tried to brush me aside, made me feel like a quitter, even told me that he would think on what I said. then he ended the conversation that he would see me monday. I said; "No. I will not be here. I'm gone, Mike. You need to fill the shift." and I left fast.
No, he never talked to me again. Every time I saw him he snubbed me. But that was cool. I learned to really let go and let God.
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