Here's to you Geni...

Last week, we had the honor of having Geni for a week. It was a wonderful week and I had forgotten just how much fun she is to be around. She kept us all laughing and had a great attitude. She is now in Colorado with Jaci and Jarred where she will begin a new life with them. She gave up everything and is starting from scratch again. She moved from a place she loved and still does so she could be closer to family. This just touches my heart as she does.

As my children grew up, I always hoped that the girls would share the relationship that my sister and I share. It appears that Jaci and Geni are headed in the same direction. They both talk about their "best friend" and that just tickles me to death. They are together now and when I go to visit them I get the extra treat of Geni as well as the rest of them all.

Speaking of visiting, I will be there this coming Friday I can hardly wait. Thanks Geni for visiting with us you will never know just how much this old heart needed that.

I love you!

Revamped In Memory of...

I wrote earlier that my uncle passed away. He did not. Joe did not understand my uncle Jim when he called. Uncle Jim was calling to let us know that his oldest daughter 47 years old had passed away of a heart attack. My uncle was devastated. She was a single mom of two and had no insurance. She had ignored symptoms that could have potentially saved her life had she realized what was going on. So sad for all involved. It's worse to me that Uncle Jim lost a daughter you just don't expect to bury your children. He has suffered such loss over the past couple years, his brother, his brother in law, his nephew, his sister in law, his sister and now his daughter. I pray that he is done with loss for awhile and can enjoy his family and have some happiness for awhile. We are going to try to get up there for the funeral to give him support. He did so much for us it is the least we can do. During my dads and my brothers funeral he was right there for us at all hours of the day and night. I want to give him a little of that back. I pray I can. Keep him in your prayers please.

What a surprise....

I am so blessed. The girls have been worried about me since my post and surprised me with flowers yesterday delivered to the office. The picture isn't the greatest picture but, what a surprise it was for me. It was delivered by this very friendly guy who made me laugh as well.

The girls wrote part of a book that is special to us in the note. The book is called "I'll Love You Forever". As soon as I began to read the note I started crying. Then Helen started crying and our co-worker said boy you both are sisters. It was just sweetest note.

Thanks girls for brightening my day. You both are just to sweet. I love you both very much.

down in the dumps...

The last couple of days I have gotten out of bed with a chip on my shoulder. I am so frustrated with myself. But as always it has made me do some heavy soul searching. I realized that I miss my kids....not just the grandkids but my kids...Justin, Jaci and Geni...even those extended kids, Jarred and Lisa. On the way home tonight Helen and I were talking and I told her that I realized that you just don't realize what you have until you don't have it anymore. I can vividly remember ladies at church getting upset with me when I said I could not wait for the kids to grow up...they would tell me not to say that and I would be sorry one day. Of course in my grown up knowledge that I had way back then would inform them that I would not be....guess what....my grown up knowledge stunk and here I sit.

We walked through the mall tonight. Since the kids were little when we lived here I saw so many memories. Then to add insult to injury, we walked past the play area where Joe and I took the kids, and right next to it, there pretzel place that Jaci hit everytime we came back around the mall to pick up the kids....memories. They are special but no one ever told me that they could be painful as well. Good memories so how come they hurt so much?

Geni is moving to Colorado in a month or so...big baby mommy asks her if she will come and visit her before heading to Colorado....hmmm... whose the grown up here? I love the pictures that Geni and Jaci have on their my spaces of them...I see the backgrounds and remember times....then all the pictures that we have on the computers my oh my...I sit sometimes for hours just watching them all cycle....so many memories. My how I miss my kids.

So, missing the kids isn't enough...I had this chance for a new job. One I thought I was going to get...one I was excited for...I still don't know if it will pan out...I keep holding hope against hope that it will but each new day and no word brings me down. Why should I be upset about not getting it? This way I can still get time off as wanted if I stay where I am within reason of course but I get to work with my sister and we carpool. I don't have to work from noon to 9 pm or later....but here I sit with a chip on my shoulder all because my ego just can't take not one more ounce of rejection. I keep reminding God that I did not ask Him to give me patience...I thought I had learned that lesson maybe one of the 30 or more times in the past. Evidently not....

I realized that no matter how many times I promise Joe that I will be happy if....that I won't. Sad truth to have to face. Now of course I have a new if only....gee won't Joe be excited...

I said all that to say don't worry about me I will push through this. Thanks to Jaci and Geni for the phone calls I guess they picked up my little woes over the phone...thanks to Helen and Joe for continuing to put up with my "ways" and for overlooking them as much as is humanly possible and for being supportive and always there....

I love you all!

Phew it is exhausting spending other peoples money!!!

Joe did a demo today and it was further down the road than normal. the norm is that Joe goes and helps me set up and vice versa...so this morning, Helen, Joe and I took off to get him set up and then Helen and I did running. We have been trying to get started on redoing the master bath...been a long road to travel trying to get ideas but keep the costs down so once we got prices it slowed us way down. Anyway today we priced pedestal sinks and cabinets and sinks found some things we liked etc...we were out all day long and then picked up Joe and went to the Home Depot closest to his demo to show him what we found...they didn't have it, we went to four different home depo's tonight trying to find this vanity and sink that we liked. We did find it and after all was said and done found a pedestal sink that we like better, there was a toilet that matched it reasonably priced even....so, we have tentatively picked out a sink and toilet, know the flooring that is going down and picked out a faucet and a toilet seat that looks good together. Now to nail down the shower. Of course there is always the chance we will find something better and better priced but it was a fun day. Since there was no money spent except for the dinner we ate at a bagel place it was great fun. The best part of course is that when all is said and done and the final decision is made and the stuff is bought it still did not come out of my pocket LOL....sorry Helen! But thanks for being such a good sport and letting me drag you all over the place for window shopping. I love you.

Sunday morning....

Here I sit at 6:48 am Sunday Morning. I got up early because I had some emails I had neglected to answer from people in Hawaii. I figured my getting up early would still be way to early in the morning for them and they would find them when they checked their email for the day....sneaky that way.

I am sitting at the computer and listening to the birds outside my window. they sound so pretty and so peaceful. Right now, I feel pretty peaceful. So, my prayer for the day is that no matter what happens today that I will have a spirit of peacefulness about me.

I am reading a book that talks about the verse "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." I never really thought about the fact that no matter what hits me, what I am worried about etc. that I should be rejoicing and glad in it. Thought it was pretty cool and wanted to share it....

I hope that everyone's day is blessed and the company you keep today is uplifting and shows you the love that you all deserve. and remember, be glad in it!

Thank you....thank you....thank you....

It's early morning and quiet in the Hutton household. As Joe and I prepare to head back to Jacksonville we are thankful for Jaci and Jarred's hospitality. We have so enjoyed our time here. No sight seeing, no time frames to go on just family time. I love family time. Even if I am a wimp and have to go to bed early...sorry guys.

Jaci has been cooking wonderful meals for us and keeping the entire house picked up the entire time we were here. That can be a big feat when adding two extra bodies into the mix. She seems so comfortable and at home that I can't help but be thrilled for her. I know that she will have days that won't feel so good but for the most part, motherhood is really sitting well on her. She again has made us proud. It's always hard for parents to let their children go but we feel confident that she has made a great choice in her life in Jarred and is settled and happy. That is a relief for us.

Jarred is such a good daddy. As always I am so impressed. It takes a look and sometimes a whisper in the ear and the kids just listen. I never had that ability and I am awed by it. You can see the love for dad from the kids and to the kids from dad. It is such a touching sight to see.

What can I say about the kids? They are wonderful. So polite and loving. Always willing to give kisses and hugs and sit with you. James is such a big boy now. I still see him as a baby but he is not that at all. Julie is well Julie. She is almost two but acts older. She is very independent and I imagine that she is going to be the trying one. But how can you discipline her when she gives that smile or grin she has????? Jocelyn is beautiful. When I hold her it brings back so many memories of holding Jaci and Geni because she looks just like they did. She is a good baby and Jaci and Jarred are so blessed.

Speaking of being blessed, so are we. Thanks Jaci and Jarred for being an integral part of our family. We love you both.....yes, Jarred both!!!!

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

January 21

January 21st is a big day...one reason is it is my brothers birthday. I was good thanks to Helen's prompting, I got his card out in a timely manner. The post office and I just don't do well together.

James turns 3 years old tomorrow. I can hardly believe that it has been three years since he blessed so many lives. Time truly does not wait for anyone. He continues to grow and I continue to age but I am so blessed that I have been able to be in his life and that he knows who I am. To another many more years of blessings James....Nana loves you.

The other big thing is that Joe and I fly out to see the Colorado H's. I can hardly wait. I finally get to meet Jocelyn and let her know how much I love her. I get to see how much a months time has matured and grown James and Julie and give them lots of loving. Two of the shining lights in my life. I am so blessed....

a new year...a new beginning

As I face the outlook of a new year, I have some thoughts...random and probably won't be put in a good format but hope you can follow them. I have realized that Joe and I are on our own. We no longer have our children near us. Though it hurts me deeply, I know that it is a new beginning for us. But, as a mother who put much into raising her children (not always doing my best but as best as I could), it is a hard realization for me. Maybe it is the newness of it that makes it so hard for me. I am not sure just why it is hard but trust me it has not been an easy transition for me.

I face this time with fear and trepidation as to what the future holds. I also look at it as a time for Joe and I to get to know each other again and the opportunity to do things that we did not get to do before.

As I look at each of my children, I realize that they have a lot to learn and experience and that I can no longer be the safety net for them. Justin has Lisa and Jaci has Jarred. Geni is her own independent person and it thrills me to see each of them in their own environment. But at the same time it is hard for me to let them go. But I know that I must.

The Lord has blessed me with three lovely and responsible children who have given Joe and I much joy and happiness in our lives. I pray that each one of them will find the abilities it takes to make the best of their lives to continue to strive when it feels like there is nothing left to strive for and to bless every soul that they touch as they have blessed our lives in being our children.

As they grow and no longer live near each other, may they find a way to continue to keep the bond between them strong as my sister and I have. Sometimes it appears to us that we are no longer close but, you need only look at pictures taken and watch the interaction between each other to know that it is there. Life just sometimes seems to get in the way at the wrong time. Once again, it all comes to forming us and making us who we are.

My wish for this new year is for each of us to feel the love and joy of family and to strive throughout the year to continue to keep that bond close throughout every situation that arises and believe me, they will arise.

I hope that my children know that I love beyond a shadow of a doubt. I always will no matter the distance.

snowed under but it was great!

Well, I arrived back home tonight from spending almost two marvelous weeks with Jarred, Jaci and of course the grandkids ;)))))) It was wonderful to get there and see them all in action. I so enjoyed the time I got to spend with everyone and thank Jarred and Jaci for their hospitatlity. Much to ask when our entire family showed up on their doorstep with Jaci very pregnant and ready to be done. It was a wonderful christmas...I am so blessed to have a wonderful family to share with.

On a sad note, I came home not getting to meet Jocelyn yet but I know the time will come. Have to see what can be done.....

Again Jaci and Jarred, love you greatly and appreciate your opening your house to us all. Thanks for the memories.

Over the river and through the woods to Lillian's house we went...

We spent a wonderful long weekend at Lil and Adam's house. It is always so neat to me to see the "kids" that I knew so long ago now married and in their own house. Christy and her husband Alex were there also. We had such a great time. Missouri is beautiful especially the area of Wappapella where they live. Lil and Christy have grown so much and even though I am just their aunt, I was very proud of them. They both have made wonderful choices in their mates and you can see that they both are very happy. Watching Helen with them was really neat to me as well. She is very content with being with her girls. She was so happy. I loved it. Thanks Lil for the hospitality and listening to me moan about being cold. I love you.

A job update: nothing yet. I am still putting in applications. Time will tell. I am thinking about trying to put in temp applications until after Jaci has the baby that way I will be able to take off without worrying about it. But, the money has to cover my bills and that is the big thing at this time.

Well, time to eat dinner. Will update more soon.

Work ethics

I lost my job on Friday. Probably the very first job I have ever been let go of. I had just set up my work area to flow for me. I spent the day working hard. I cleaned my area and in a trucking company it will never stay clean. I cleaned out file drawers, lots of them. I worked hard while my co workers sat in their chairs and read magazines, chatted on the phone and just put in their time. I have always been a hard worker and find those that don't work hard or hardly work sad to me. The sad part is that they always seem to be younger than me. I am scared that this world that we are in right now has adults with little or no work ethics. Why not go into work and work hard. Did I want to be there? Or course not but, I was there and I might as well do things that will benefit me as well as others. I was sad to lose my job because I knew that once I was not there and I mean to give myself no kudos, but the work would not get done. why can I say that? Because before I arrived it did not get done on time. Why would I think that it would change?

I write this because although I am good with not having that particular job, it bothers me that I was the one willing to work but because I was the newest in the office I was the one that had to go. How sad it is that people can collect a paycheck doing the smallest amount of work they have to get by and others who are happy just have a job and are willing to work for it get put out.

I know that I will find a new and better job. That God has bigger and better plans for me but, right now sitting and filling out application after application gets tedious and depressing. Yesterday I had to go out to find an outfit to wear for interviews. I have not had to ever truly impress everyone and it scares me to fill out forms to jobs that I am not even sure that I can do everything they require. I don't want to say I can do something that I can't. Honesty....sometimes I wonder does it truly pay? Some days I am not so sure. Joe and Helen keep telling me that I am selling myself short but, I don't find that I do anything "well" just sub standard. I keep on pushing though. Maybe that counts for something.

Update...it's about time

Wow, I had not looked at this in awhile and didn't realize that it has been so long since I updated this thing. By now, we have spent time in San Diego with Justin, Lisa and Frodo can't forget Uncle Frank. We left for San Antonio on Tuesday morning and made good time to El Paso where Joe and I spent the night. Next day we left heading for Jaci and the kids. We spent two night at Jarred's parents house. We had a wonderful time. Got to meet the church family in San Antonio who loves Jaci and the kids....was great to know she is so well taken care of. Jaci took us around a bit in Pleasanton. On Friday morning we left the Huttons toward Jacksonville. We took many stops and Jaci has some pictures at one of the rest stops of the kids stretching their legs. All in all, the kids did great and were real troopers. We ended up stopping in Slidell, Louisiana. The hotel was horrendous and by morning Joe complained and we got the room for free. During a quick run for food and shopping at Wal Mart while Joe had the kids at the hotel James got sick from all the junk food we ended up eating. Next day we ate much smarter. Made good time to Jacksonville. Got to Helen's house and the next day attended church where all of us were baptized except for Geni. Was great to see familiar faces and to have so many remember us.

The week was spent recovering from traveling. We really did not do much all week. Joe has begun working on the house. The bathroom had been started and will be finished this weekend. Tomorrow, a new water heater will be installed and we can all take showers in a row. Right now the original hot water heater from when the house was built is in and you get enough hot water for one shower and have to wait at least a half hour before the next shower. With the kids taking baths, they have to be the last but tomorrow all will change.

Helen went to a wedding for a friend of Christy's out of town. Christy and Alex met her there. We are looking forward to surprising her with the finished bathroom when she gets back. She is a real trooper since we have taken over the house.

I am hoping that my car will get here before Jaci and the kids leave. I will begin working on Monday and it would be good if Jaci and Joe could pick up the car so that I don't have to take time off work. We shall see.

We got our last electric bill from Hawaii today. We were shocked to get a 500.00 final bill for 12 days. 3 of which were not even supposed to be on our bill. But, I am afraid that Brian will be in for quite a shock if they run those AC's all day long. Speaking of my final paycheck from my route, I was not surprised but a little disappointed that Max did not even include a bonus for my almost 12 years of service. Since I never got a bonus from them why should it bother me so much I don't really know but it does. Anyway at least I will work regular hours and no weekends. I am looking forward to it.

We sure are missing Geni. She seems to be doing well but with her being my last baby to leave the roost, it has been hard to let her go. But, in talking with her she seems to be happy and that is very important to me.

I have really enjoyed the time I am getting with jaci and the kids. We have not done much as I said but just having them around has made this time very special. Just watching their faces and actions have been great. We went and got a pumpkin to carve. We tried to find the pumpkin patch that I used to take the kids to but as this area has grown so much the patch is gone. We might stop in one that we saw last night tomorrow but we have many things we want to do tomorrow so time will tell.

Well, I need to end this and get myself into bed. I hope that everyone is doing well and didn't get too bored reading this.

8 and a wu

We are down to the single digits now. Tomorrow, the movers come and pack up the house. Soon, we will check into the Hale Koa for two blissful nights of calmness. It has been hectic and taken some to get things accomplished but for the most part all is almost complete.

I am very much looking forward to seeing Justin, Lisa, Jaci and the kids...yes Jackie you too!! We aren't sure yet how much time we get to spend in each place since the van got out a week behind schedule. In the best of looks, we will be running one day late. In the worst, it could be 3 days. Let's keep the positve vibes going and look at only the one. I am supposed to get to work very soon after we get there and I want to be able to somewhat stay on schedule.

Our family pictures came out very nicely. I was pleased. When I see everyone, I will dispense the pictures.

I know this blog doesn't sound like I am very excited but I really am. We have been running all day long and right now I am sitting in my office at church at 6:27 PM waiting for another hour before we need to go to Hickam to show the Land Rover to a guy who I pray wants to buy it. That is our last hurdle. I did not want to drive home to have to turn back around and come back out. Probably a good thing or I would not have gone with Joe tonight.

Geni, is out of the house and on her own. I miss her dearly already and we haven't even left yet. Last night we had dinner with her and will spend more time with her as we can before we leave. She called me today to let me know that the place she is subbing at asked her to stay on another week. That is good. I pray things continue to go well for her.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to write more before we pack up my computer and ship it off to Justin.

8 and a wu......

updates....

Thought I should just update what is going on here. All is moving forward with our plans to leave. On Sunday, the church had a farewell for a number of us who are moving and it was wonderfully planned and executed. It was a catered picnic in the park. The food was excellent and the fellowship was even better. We were not able to stay very long as my pearly white skin was pretty red and not from embarrassment. Today even I am still in pain on my shoulders when my seat belt rubs me. But, it was wonderful and we dearly appreciated all the work and planning that went into it.

Next week the movers come in to see how much stuff we have and get an idea of how many days they need to move us. The amount of stuff we have is much smaller than it used to be and keeps getting smaller so I doubt they even need the second day that is scheduled.

Joe's brother and his wife came into town last Wednesday. We have had some great visits with them and Joe's other brother George. Always nice when family can be around. We have met some of Rem's family that lives here on island and have had great food to boot.

My cousin Annette and her husband Ray got into town on Saturday. They were troopers Saturday after flying all day and even longer than scheduled we dragged them to a dinner that Joe's brother was hosting. I caught them a couple times at the table trying to stay awake but they really dug in and held their own. Yesterday, we went to the North Shore and saw a site that I had never been to before. It was breathtaking. We had a wonderful time and it was only drawn to a close when we had to return back home in the very early afternoon for me to do my route. When I got home last night I was treated to a wonderful seafood meal. I even brought some leftovers to work with me today so that I could enjoy it a second time. If this keeps up, I will need a new wardrobe before we leave....at least one size larger. Ray and Annette take off today to head to the Big Island for two days and then Maui for two days before returning back here to spend the last week with us.

Geni has decided to stay here on Oahu after we leave. While I am saddened that we won't all be together or even all on the mainland, I have come to pretty much accept what is as what is. God has blessed me with allowing Joe and I to move and maybe I am to learn the lesson that you can't always have what you want...honestly I think I know that lesson I have learned it a time or two before but my dad always told me I had to learn things the hard way. I never let him down either.

The days are going by rapidly but at the same time slowly. I am looking forward to being done with my route. Therefore, it seems like the numbers stay up there as to how many days it is until we leave. But I am sure in no time it will be here and we will be saying goodbye and getting on that plane. Until then, there are many things that need to be accomplished.

Well, time to end this I am sure there is plenty more to write about but time does not allow me.

A Lesson Learned

Last night I was dealt a blow. I have always told my kids that no matter what, your family would be there for you. Last night I realized that I was telling them something that just isn't true. Your family will always try to be there for you but outside forces have a way of butting in where they are not welcome. So be it, I have made every attempt that I can to make things work but my efforts are not to be rewarded. A strangers efforts or so called friend mean more than mine and those others who have attempted. I am at a loss, one of the hardest things for a mother to do is sit back and watch one of her children make a decision that she knows is the wrong one and for the wrong reasons (even if she doesn't really know what they are...) Sad.......................torn up and broken hearted.

Tip toe through the tulips

Word is slowly getting out that we are leaving. I have been so afraid that things will fall through that I won't say much to anyone for fear of having to rescind it later. But, Tuesday Joe went down to the base to check and be sure we were still eligible for a move back to the mainland. They actually said yes! So, if all goes according to our plans in 42 days we will be on our way. In less than that our house will be packed up again (not by us this time thank God!) I am so excited. I can hardly wait. I just keep waiting on the phone call that makes all our plans come to a screaming halt. But, as long as I let God be in control....do you think that I am trying not to let that happen by worrying about it falling through....lots to do got to get clearing.

Pray for us.

the same, the same, the same...

I realized yesterday that no matter how badly I want things to be the same they never will be. Things change, people change and it is so important to have those memories and hold onto them because no matter how hard you try to recreate things it won't be the same. So, have to make new memories and not hold people to trying to make them act like they were....how sad but at the same time, how exciting that we have the daily opportunity to create new memories and build on the old ones. Makes you wonder what the day and next year hold in store...

Talk about wowser....

Yesterday my son's ship pulled into port. It was different seeing it in the eyes of his wife. I knew how special it was when Joe pulled into port but to watch it for my son and his wife was really exciting. It made me cry. These days though if you ask my kids, it doesn't take much to do that. It was wonderful and worth the sunburn an sore back for me. We began watching the progress of the ship around 6:30 am from our house through binoculars. It was exciting to see its progress and know that Justin was on there. When it made the turn closer we left the house and headed down there. In the old days LOL does that sound weird, you could be up on the pier and closer to the ship. Yesterday they had us all corralled on one side down off the pier. Crowded and I don't do well in crowds...but it was worth it. Justin looked fabulous and you could tell he had been working out on the ship. Last night we had a wonderful dinner at Jaci and Jarred's house. It was as if we had all never been separated. I felt so wonderful. Was nice to have the family all together again...Today they check into the cabin. The cabin holds so many wonderful memories for us all. I can hardly wait for me to get off my route to get up there. Building more memories. I can't wait. Justin did such a great job choosing his wife. I couldn't be happier and watching the two of them you know they couldn't either. Lisa is so good for him. She just fit right into the family and you would think she had been there all along. I love it! Will share more later.