Thank you....thank you....thank you....

It's early morning and quiet in the Hutton household. As Joe and I prepare to head back to Jacksonville we are thankful for Jaci and Jarred's hospitality. We have so enjoyed our time here. No sight seeing, no time frames to go on just family time. I love family time. Even if I am a wimp and have to go to bed early...sorry guys.

Jaci has been cooking wonderful meals for us and keeping the entire house picked up the entire time we were here. That can be a big feat when adding two extra bodies into the mix. She seems so comfortable and at home that I can't help but be thrilled for her. I know that she will have days that won't feel so good but for the most part, motherhood is really sitting well on her. She again has made us proud. It's always hard for parents to let their children go but we feel confident that she has made a great choice in her life in Jarred and is settled and happy. That is a relief for us.

Jarred is such a good daddy. As always I am so impressed. It takes a look and sometimes a whisper in the ear and the kids just listen. I never had that ability and I am awed by it. You can see the love for dad from the kids and to the kids from dad. It is such a touching sight to see.

What can I say about the kids? They are wonderful. So polite and loving. Always willing to give kisses and hugs and sit with you. James is such a big boy now. I still see him as a baby but he is not that at all. Julie is well Julie. She is almost two but acts older. She is very independent and I imagine that she is going to be the trying one. But how can you discipline her when she gives that smile or grin she has????? Jocelyn is beautiful. When I hold her it brings back so many memories of holding Jaci and Geni because she looks just like they did. She is a good baby and Jaci and Jarred are so blessed.

Speaking of being blessed, so are we. Thanks Jaci and Jarred for being an integral part of our family. We love you both.....yes, Jarred both!!!!

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

January 21

January 21st is a big day...one reason is it is my brothers birthday. I was good thanks to Helen's prompting, I got his card out in a timely manner. The post office and I just don't do well together.

James turns 3 years old tomorrow. I can hardly believe that it has been three years since he blessed so many lives. Time truly does not wait for anyone. He continues to grow and I continue to age but I am so blessed that I have been able to be in his life and that he knows who I am. To another many more years of blessings James....Nana loves you.

The other big thing is that Joe and I fly out to see the Colorado H's. I can hardly wait. I finally get to meet Jocelyn and let her know how much I love her. I get to see how much a months time has matured and grown James and Julie and give them lots of loving. Two of the shining lights in my life. I am so blessed....

a new year...a new beginning

As I face the outlook of a new year, I have some thoughts...random and probably won't be put in a good format but hope you can follow them. I have realized that Joe and I are on our own. We no longer have our children near us. Though it hurts me deeply, I know that it is a new beginning for us. But, as a mother who put much into raising her children (not always doing my best but as best as I could), it is a hard realization for me. Maybe it is the newness of it that makes it so hard for me. I am not sure just why it is hard but trust me it has not been an easy transition for me.

I face this time with fear and trepidation as to what the future holds. I also look at it as a time for Joe and I to get to know each other again and the opportunity to do things that we did not get to do before.

As I look at each of my children, I realize that they have a lot to learn and experience and that I can no longer be the safety net for them. Justin has Lisa and Jaci has Jarred. Geni is her own independent person and it thrills me to see each of them in their own environment. But at the same time it is hard for me to let them go. But I know that I must.

The Lord has blessed me with three lovely and responsible children who have given Joe and I much joy and happiness in our lives. I pray that each one of them will find the abilities it takes to make the best of their lives to continue to strive when it feels like there is nothing left to strive for and to bless every soul that they touch as they have blessed our lives in being our children.

As they grow and no longer live near each other, may they find a way to continue to keep the bond between them strong as my sister and I have. Sometimes it appears to us that we are no longer close but, you need only look at pictures taken and watch the interaction between each other to know that it is there. Life just sometimes seems to get in the way at the wrong time. Once again, it all comes to forming us and making us who we are.

My wish for this new year is for each of us to feel the love and joy of family and to strive throughout the year to continue to keep that bond close throughout every situation that arises and believe me, they will arise.

I hope that my children know that I love beyond a shadow of a doubt. I always will no matter the distance.

snowed under but it was great!

Well, I arrived back home tonight from spending almost two marvelous weeks with Jarred, Jaci and of course the grandkids ;)))))) It was wonderful to get there and see them all in action. I so enjoyed the time I got to spend with everyone and thank Jarred and Jaci for their hospitatlity. Much to ask when our entire family showed up on their doorstep with Jaci very pregnant and ready to be done. It was a wonderful christmas...I am so blessed to have a wonderful family to share with.

On a sad note, I came home not getting to meet Jocelyn yet but I know the time will come. Have to see what can be done.....

Again Jaci and Jarred, love you greatly and appreciate your opening your house to us all. Thanks for the memories.

Over the river and through the woods to Lillian's house we went...

We spent a wonderful long weekend at Lil and Adam's house. It is always so neat to me to see the "kids" that I knew so long ago now married and in their own house. Christy and her husband Alex were there also. We had such a great time. Missouri is beautiful especially the area of Wappapella where they live. Lil and Christy have grown so much and even though I am just their aunt, I was very proud of them. They both have made wonderful choices in their mates and you can see that they both are very happy. Watching Helen with them was really neat to me as well. She is very content with being with her girls. She was so happy. I loved it. Thanks Lil for the hospitality and listening to me moan about being cold. I love you.

A job update: nothing yet. I am still putting in applications. Time will tell. I am thinking about trying to put in temp applications until after Jaci has the baby that way I will be able to take off without worrying about it. But, the money has to cover my bills and that is the big thing at this time.

Well, time to eat dinner. Will update more soon.

Work ethics

I lost my job on Friday. Probably the very first job I have ever been let go of. I had just set up my work area to flow for me. I spent the day working hard. I cleaned my area and in a trucking company it will never stay clean. I cleaned out file drawers, lots of them. I worked hard while my co workers sat in their chairs and read magazines, chatted on the phone and just put in their time. I have always been a hard worker and find those that don't work hard or hardly work sad to me. The sad part is that they always seem to be younger than me. I am scared that this world that we are in right now has adults with little or no work ethics. Why not go into work and work hard. Did I want to be there? Or course not but, I was there and I might as well do things that will benefit me as well as others. I was sad to lose my job because I knew that once I was not there and I mean to give myself no kudos, but the work would not get done. why can I say that? Because before I arrived it did not get done on time. Why would I think that it would change?

I write this because although I am good with not having that particular job, it bothers me that I was the one willing to work but because I was the newest in the office I was the one that had to go. How sad it is that people can collect a paycheck doing the smallest amount of work they have to get by and others who are happy just have a job and are willing to work for it get put out.

I know that I will find a new and better job. That God has bigger and better plans for me but, right now sitting and filling out application after application gets tedious and depressing. Yesterday I had to go out to find an outfit to wear for interviews. I have not had to ever truly impress everyone and it scares me to fill out forms to jobs that I am not even sure that I can do everything they require. I don't want to say I can do something that I can't. Honesty....sometimes I wonder does it truly pay? Some days I am not so sure. Joe and Helen keep telling me that I am selling myself short but, I don't find that I do anything "well" just sub standard. I keep on pushing though. Maybe that counts for something.

Update...it's about time

Wow, I had not looked at this in awhile and didn't realize that it has been so long since I updated this thing. By now, we have spent time in San Diego with Justin, Lisa and Frodo can't forget Uncle Frank. We left for San Antonio on Tuesday morning and made good time to El Paso where Joe and I spent the night. Next day we left heading for Jaci and the kids. We spent two night at Jarred's parents house. We had a wonderful time. Got to meet the church family in San Antonio who loves Jaci and the kids....was great to know she is so well taken care of. Jaci took us around a bit in Pleasanton. On Friday morning we left the Huttons toward Jacksonville. We took many stops and Jaci has some pictures at one of the rest stops of the kids stretching their legs. All in all, the kids did great and were real troopers. We ended up stopping in Slidell, Louisiana. The hotel was horrendous and by morning Joe complained and we got the room for free. During a quick run for food and shopping at Wal Mart while Joe had the kids at the hotel James got sick from all the junk food we ended up eating. Next day we ate much smarter. Made good time to Jacksonville. Got to Helen's house and the next day attended church where all of us were baptized except for Geni. Was great to see familiar faces and to have so many remember us.

The week was spent recovering from traveling. We really did not do much all week. Joe has begun working on the house. The bathroom had been started and will be finished this weekend. Tomorrow, a new water heater will be installed and we can all take showers in a row. Right now the original hot water heater from when the house was built is in and you get enough hot water for one shower and have to wait at least a half hour before the next shower. With the kids taking baths, they have to be the last but tomorrow all will change.

Helen went to a wedding for a friend of Christy's out of town. Christy and Alex met her there. We are looking forward to surprising her with the finished bathroom when she gets back. She is a real trooper since we have taken over the house.

I am hoping that my car will get here before Jaci and the kids leave. I will begin working on Monday and it would be good if Jaci and Joe could pick up the car so that I don't have to take time off work. We shall see.

We got our last electric bill from Hawaii today. We were shocked to get a 500.00 final bill for 12 days. 3 of which were not even supposed to be on our bill. But, I am afraid that Brian will be in for quite a shock if they run those AC's all day long. Speaking of my final paycheck from my route, I was not surprised but a little disappointed that Max did not even include a bonus for my almost 12 years of service. Since I never got a bonus from them why should it bother me so much I don't really know but it does. Anyway at least I will work regular hours and no weekends. I am looking forward to it.

We sure are missing Geni. She seems to be doing well but with her being my last baby to leave the roost, it has been hard to let her go. But, in talking with her she seems to be happy and that is very important to me.

I have really enjoyed the time I am getting with jaci and the kids. We have not done much as I said but just having them around has made this time very special. Just watching their faces and actions have been great. We went and got a pumpkin to carve. We tried to find the pumpkin patch that I used to take the kids to but as this area has grown so much the patch is gone. We might stop in one that we saw last night tomorrow but we have many things we want to do tomorrow so time will tell.

Well, I need to end this and get myself into bed. I hope that everyone is doing well and didn't get too bored reading this.

8 and a wu

We are down to the single digits now. Tomorrow, the movers come and pack up the house. Soon, we will check into the Hale Koa for two blissful nights of calmness. It has been hectic and taken some to get things accomplished but for the most part all is almost complete.

I am very much looking forward to seeing Justin, Lisa, Jaci and the kids...yes Jackie you too!! We aren't sure yet how much time we get to spend in each place since the van got out a week behind schedule. In the best of looks, we will be running one day late. In the worst, it could be 3 days. Let's keep the positve vibes going and look at only the one. I am supposed to get to work very soon after we get there and I want to be able to somewhat stay on schedule.

Our family pictures came out very nicely. I was pleased. When I see everyone, I will dispense the pictures.

I know this blog doesn't sound like I am very excited but I really am. We have been running all day long and right now I am sitting in my office at church at 6:27 PM waiting for another hour before we need to go to Hickam to show the Land Rover to a guy who I pray wants to buy it. That is our last hurdle. I did not want to drive home to have to turn back around and come back out. Probably a good thing or I would not have gone with Joe tonight.

Geni, is out of the house and on her own. I miss her dearly already and we haven't even left yet. Last night we had dinner with her and will spend more time with her as we can before we leave. She called me today to let me know that the place she is subbing at asked her to stay on another week. That is good. I pray things continue to go well for her.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to write more before we pack up my computer and ship it off to Justin.

8 and a wu......

updates....

Thought I should just update what is going on here. All is moving forward with our plans to leave. On Sunday, the church had a farewell for a number of us who are moving and it was wonderfully planned and executed. It was a catered picnic in the park. The food was excellent and the fellowship was even better. We were not able to stay very long as my pearly white skin was pretty red and not from embarrassment. Today even I am still in pain on my shoulders when my seat belt rubs me. But, it was wonderful and we dearly appreciated all the work and planning that went into it.

Next week the movers come in to see how much stuff we have and get an idea of how many days they need to move us. The amount of stuff we have is much smaller than it used to be and keeps getting smaller so I doubt they even need the second day that is scheduled.

Joe's brother and his wife came into town last Wednesday. We have had some great visits with them and Joe's other brother George. Always nice when family can be around. We have met some of Rem's family that lives here on island and have had great food to boot.

My cousin Annette and her husband Ray got into town on Saturday. They were troopers Saturday after flying all day and even longer than scheduled we dragged them to a dinner that Joe's brother was hosting. I caught them a couple times at the table trying to stay awake but they really dug in and held their own. Yesterday, we went to the North Shore and saw a site that I had never been to before. It was breathtaking. We had a wonderful time and it was only drawn to a close when we had to return back home in the very early afternoon for me to do my route. When I got home last night I was treated to a wonderful seafood meal. I even brought some leftovers to work with me today so that I could enjoy it a second time. If this keeps up, I will need a new wardrobe before we leave....at least one size larger. Ray and Annette take off today to head to the Big Island for two days and then Maui for two days before returning back here to spend the last week with us.

Geni has decided to stay here on Oahu after we leave. While I am saddened that we won't all be together or even all on the mainland, I have come to pretty much accept what is as what is. God has blessed me with allowing Joe and I to move and maybe I am to learn the lesson that you can't always have what you want...honestly I think I know that lesson I have learned it a time or two before but my dad always told me I had to learn things the hard way. I never let him down either.

The days are going by rapidly but at the same time slowly. I am looking forward to being done with my route. Therefore, it seems like the numbers stay up there as to how many days it is until we leave. But I am sure in no time it will be here and we will be saying goodbye and getting on that plane. Until then, there are many things that need to be accomplished.

Well, time to end this I am sure there is plenty more to write about but time does not allow me.

A Lesson Learned

Last night I was dealt a blow. I have always told my kids that no matter what, your family would be there for you. Last night I realized that I was telling them something that just isn't true. Your family will always try to be there for you but outside forces have a way of butting in where they are not welcome. So be it, I have made every attempt that I can to make things work but my efforts are not to be rewarded. A strangers efforts or so called friend mean more than mine and those others who have attempted. I am at a loss, one of the hardest things for a mother to do is sit back and watch one of her children make a decision that she knows is the wrong one and for the wrong reasons (even if she doesn't really know what they are...) Sad.......................torn up and broken hearted.

Tip toe through the tulips

Word is slowly getting out that we are leaving. I have been so afraid that things will fall through that I won't say much to anyone for fear of having to rescind it later. But, Tuesday Joe went down to the base to check and be sure we were still eligible for a move back to the mainland. They actually said yes! So, if all goes according to our plans in 42 days we will be on our way. In less than that our house will be packed up again (not by us this time thank God!) I am so excited. I can hardly wait. I just keep waiting on the phone call that makes all our plans come to a screaming halt. But, as long as I let God be in control....do you think that I am trying not to let that happen by worrying about it falling through....lots to do got to get clearing.

Pray for us.

the same, the same, the same...

I realized yesterday that no matter how badly I want things to be the same they never will be. Things change, people change and it is so important to have those memories and hold onto them because no matter how hard you try to recreate things it won't be the same. So, have to make new memories and not hold people to trying to make them act like they were....how sad but at the same time, how exciting that we have the daily opportunity to create new memories and build on the old ones. Makes you wonder what the day and next year hold in store...

Talk about wowser....

Yesterday my son's ship pulled into port. It was different seeing it in the eyes of his wife. I knew how special it was when Joe pulled into port but to watch it for my son and his wife was really exciting. It made me cry. These days though if you ask my kids, it doesn't take much to do that. It was wonderful and worth the sunburn an sore back for me. We began watching the progress of the ship around 6:30 am from our house through binoculars. It was exciting to see its progress and know that Justin was on there. When it made the turn closer we left the house and headed down there. In the old days LOL does that sound weird, you could be up on the pier and closer to the ship. Yesterday they had us all corralled on one side down off the pier. Crowded and I don't do well in crowds...but it was worth it. Justin looked fabulous and you could tell he had been working out on the ship. Last night we had a wonderful dinner at Jaci and Jarred's house. It was as if we had all never been separated. I felt so wonderful. Was nice to have the family all together again...Today they check into the cabin. The cabin holds so many wonderful memories for us all. I can hardly wait for me to get off my route to get up there. Building more memories. I can't wait. Justin did such a great job choosing his wife. I couldn't be happier and watching the two of them you know they couldn't either. Lisa is so good for him. She just fit right into the family and you would think she had been there all along. I love it! Will share more later.

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

Yesterday was a very topsy turvy day for me. I had a run in with my boss for my second job...I tried to quit. He argued with me and by the time we got off the phone my request was set aside as if I had not even made it. I was frustrated and angry. After 12 years the company is trying to institute changes that I know won't work here. They won't listen to me and dismiss me as if I have no knowledge of what I am saying. I already know I don't handle change well but, my opinion should be acknowledged and validated. Instead I am made to feel that I am a bad person and my self esteem is going down, down, down.

I had a guy riding with me to take over for Jaci and he mentioned he was interested in my route when it came available. I hopped on that as quick as a flash and told him that I was seriously wanting to give it up. The guy is a Baptist minister and is studying Biblical counseling. I asked him toward the end of our ride together if listening and helping so many people through negative areas in their lives was not a downer for him....he told me no that mostly the negative in our lives is brought about by sin in our lives. So, last night while I could not sleep I thought about what sin in my life I might have. I realized that one of my biggest sins, is the love of money. For so long, I have allowed myself to stress over the job, stay on it all because of money...so when I took that big step yesterday to give up the job and actually eventually have a life of my own....I told God that my finances are in His hands. Now, onto another sin, micromanagement...bad I am so bad about this. Why did I not sleep well last night...you guessed it, because I worried about the money. How quickly we try to take back issues that only God can work through with us. I have about a month more on the second job before I am confident we will find someone else to take over Jaci's side. In the meantime this guy is willing to run for Jaci and train the next new person and then learn my side and take it. I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to a bright light soon.

Issues

I have been thinking a lot about issues in our lives. I wonder, are they really issues or are they issues because I made them an issue. I am not even sure anyone can follow this line of thinking but, it seems to me that I make things issues. Like my sadness over the J's leaving. I should be happy that they are beginning their own journey. I am kind of...but, it is an issue for me to hang onto...to ponder...to make much out of nothing really. Am I going to miss them? Of course, but it isn't as if I am the only person in the world that doesn't have her entire family with her....another example....

Joe and I went to breakfast this morning. We were talking about things and I said that I often think back when I see families with younger children about us and our "younger" kids...back then if you would have told me that I would have so much turmoil so far into my life, I would have laughed you off the planet...did I have issues back then? yes and I thought they were so serious and the worst I would ever experience but, our lives have a way of waiting until you feel at peace...waiting until your guard is down and whamo something hits.

Issues...do I make them more than they are? I think I do. How can I lesson this for me? Anyone have any ideas???

whoops

Public apology. To those I have hurt by trying to make things better. I apologize. My mouth is shut my door is open.

Love,
Mom

Pain

I did not write the blog that follows but, thought that it was a good and appropriate blog at this time in my (our) lives. My thanks to the Bill who wrote this and although I don't have a last name I did get it off of a church of Christ web page.

A Place For Pain

In a world of such pain, suffering, and sorrow, can the idea of a kind and loving God who created this world and watches over it possibly be true? Sick children - terrorist bombings - terrible accidents - grinding poverty making many people cry out: “Where is God?” “Is God in control?” “Is God just cruel?”

In a world supposedly created by a God of Love, is there a place for all this suffering and misery and pain?

Let'’s think about it...First, what purpose does pain serve in our bodies? What is the message from a stubbed toe, a burnt finger, a migraine headache, or sharp chest pains? “SOMETHING IS WRONG! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS IMMEDIATELY!” This is the message that pain carries in our human bodies.

But what about pain in our human lives and relationships? Mental and spiritual pain carries EXACTLY the same message! Something’s wrong! DO something! And the more harmful the situation, the more extreme the pain. Without pain, we would not know to avoid the things that harm us and we would all be quickly overcome!

Second, why is there pain in a world created by an all-powerful and loving God? When did pain enter His creation? When sin came into the world, God was forced to withdraw from His creation. Upon Eve, God said: "I will multiply your pain!". Upon Adam, God said, "By the sweat of your face you will eat bread!". Pain sends the message: SOMETHING IS WRONG! Pain is in this world because mankind has been separated from God by his sin. The farther we separate ourselves from God with the sin in our lives, the more painful our lives become! Pain does not bring doubt of God’'s Word! The pain in this world CONFIRMS God’'s Word that we are lost in sin and separated from our Creator. The pain of loneliness, frustration, emptiness, heartbreak and anger demands: “Something is wrong! Fix it!”

But how does the world try to cure this pain? Drugs. Sex. Alcohol. Money. False security. Empty success. Fake smiles. Fading relationships. Vain boasts. Endless chatter.

The only thing these things can do is separate you further from God and INCREASE the pain! What is the true cure for the pain & misery in this world? 1. The world is in pain because it is separated from God. 2. God is Love. 3. Only Love can bring God back into our world. 4. Selfless Love is the ONLY cure for the pain in our lives and hearts.

As a Christian, the place for ALL the pain in our lives in in God’'s hands, given to Him in faith, knowing He will guide us back to peace and joy. Then, as a Christian, WE ARE TO BECOME GOD’'S HANDS to the lost of this world, reaching out in peace, gentleness, and Love to all that are in pain. We are to restore Love to a world separated from the God of Love. We care and have compassion for others so God might heal the broken and abused with His touch that comes from our hands, the children of God's Love Put all your pain in God’'s hands in faith that He will show you how to correct the problems that are causing your pain. Then reach out in love and become God’'s hands to the weary and suffering of this world to ease their pain and loneliness. Touch someone's pain with the same selfless Grace that God touched your pain with. All pain is the result of being separated from God. Only God's touch can truly ease our pain. -Bill

My notes: since we all know how much pain can put stress into our day to day lives, the pain of relationships not being what they should be, may I urge anyone who reads this to review your relationships and reach out as God would reach out to us and fix those relationships. Don't wait do it today rather than later. You never know when the good Lord will call us home. As one who waited to try to mend relationships, but never got the opportunity, please work on those relationships!

Just call me mister blue

I should be working. Unpacking, weeding etc. But, here I sit at the computer as if I had nothing better to do. Just down in the dumps and no reason to speak of. Lots of people at our church dealing with the loss of loved ones or possible loss of loved ones. So many sad and disturbing stories of late that I have read and seen. I just don't know what to make of things. The story of the little boy who has shaken baby syndrom, a man over on the big island who stabbed and killed his 14 year old son, killed the baby of his ex wife by stabbing her. Lots and lots of people going to their maker. Just too much for this tired old body to comprehend at one time. I have to just keep praying for all these people and for myself and my family. As this makes very little sense to me, I guess I will end this for now. Fear not, I will get past all this and write better posts soon I promise.

Hello, can you see me?

We're moved....errrrr....sort of. Right now one room is still filled with boxes and our garage looks a site. But, we are in the new house, yesterday signed out of the old one and well, what can I say? I love the house. Need to work on getting rid of the carpets...my allergies are out of control. Yesterday the cable, phone and internet went back on. Yippee. Now, I feel like we are getting somewhere. I have many things that need to be done and just don't know where to start, so, I just take it one box at a time. Yep you read that right. One box at a time...not a day at a time but a box. Sometimes you just need to put things in perspective LOL.

I need to get things put together by the end of next month when Justin and his wife will be here. I can hardly wait to see them again. I look forward to getting to know my new daughter in law better. She was so very sweet in Germany and I felt she was just the right person for Justin. He needs someone that will keep his eye on the ball and in line. I just know she will keep him straight.

Lately, I have been really missing my dad. It wasn't as if we spent a lot of time together not even on the phone but when you don't have them to call and get irritated at anymore it seems sadder to me. I had googled my name both married and unmarried. Good I think to say nothing surprising came up and nothing bad...that's a good thing. But, there was a site from a family reunion years ago and it had a great shot of my dad. I was able to copy the picture and plan to have it printed out. But, it gave me pause to revisit memories and good times that we had. I wish that I had spent more time with him, caring about him and letting him know. But, I didn't.

This week a man who was dear to me in my early Christian walk passed away. I am happy for him that he has gone on to his reward. Sad for his family because I know how badly it hurts to lose someone you love....I pray they know how much of an example he was to so many and how many peoples lives he touched just by his being who he was. He will be dearly missed.

Well, this is turning out to be quite depressing so, I will end this for now. I will write more when I can find my way through the house without having to dodge boxes.