the same, the same, the same...

I realized yesterday that no matter how badly I want things to be the same they never will be. Things change, people change and it is so important to have those memories and hold onto them because no matter how hard you try to recreate things it won't be the same. So, have to make new memories and not hold people to trying to make them act like they were....how sad but at the same time, how exciting that we have the daily opportunity to create new memories and build on the old ones. Makes you wonder what the day and next year hold in store...

Talk about wowser....

Yesterday my son's ship pulled into port. It was different seeing it in the eyes of his wife. I knew how special it was when Joe pulled into port but to watch it for my son and his wife was really exciting. It made me cry. These days though if you ask my kids, it doesn't take much to do that. It was wonderful and worth the sunburn an sore back for me. We began watching the progress of the ship around 6:30 am from our house through binoculars. It was exciting to see its progress and know that Justin was on there. When it made the turn closer we left the house and headed down there. In the old days LOL does that sound weird, you could be up on the pier and closer to the ship. Yesterday they had us all corralled on one side down off the pier. Crowded and I don't do well in crowds...but it was worth it. Justin looked fabulous and you could tell he had been working out on the ship. Last night we had a wonderful dinner at Jaci and Jarred's house. It was as if we had all never been separated. I felt so wonderful. Was nice to have the family all together again...Today they check into the cabin. The cabin holds so many wonderful memories for us all. I can hardly wait for me to get off my route to get up there. Building more memories. I can't wait. Justin did such a great job choosing his wife. I couldn't be happier and watching the two of them you know they couldn't either. Lisa is so good for him. She just fit right into the family and you would think she had been there all along. I love it! Will share more later.

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

Yesterday was a very topsy turvy day for me. I had a run in with my boss for my second job...I tried to quit. He argued with me and by the time we got off the phone my request was set aside as if I had not even made it. I was frustrated and angry. After 12 years the company is trying to institute changes that I know won't work here. They won't listen to me and dismiss me as if I have no knowledge of what I am saying. I already know I don't handle change well but, my opinion should be acknowledged and validated. Instead I am made to feel that I am a bad person and my self esteem is going down, down, down.

I had a guy riding with me to take over for Jaci and he mentioned he was interested in my route when it came available. I hopped on that as quick as a flash and told him that I was seriously wanting to give it up. The guy is a Baptist minister and is studying Biblical counseling. I asked him toward the end of our ride together if listening and helping so many people through negative areas in their lives was not a downer for him....he told me no that mostly the negative in our lives is brought about by sin in our lives. So, last night while I could not sleep I thought about what sin in my life I might have. I realized that one of my biggest sins, is the love of money. For so long, I have allowed myself to stress over the job, stay on it all because of money...so when I took that big step yesterday to give up the job and actually eventually have a life of my own....I told God that my finances are in His hands. Now, onto another sin, micromanagement...bad I am so bad about this. Why did I not sleep well last night...you guessed it, because I worried about the money. How quickly we try to take back issues that only God can work through with us. I have about a month more on the second job before I am confident we will find someone else to take over Jaci's side. In the meantime this guy is willing to run for Jaci and train the next new person and then learn my side and take it. I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to a bright light soon.